out of the ordinary

This past Sunday I was invited to facilitate a workshop at the University of Florida's Annual Women's Leadership Conference.  I've facilitated workshops there in the past, usually with LBG(TQ) as my partner in crime.  This year however, it was just me.  Flying solo was odd, but interesting and somewhat empowering knowing I could do it on my own.  And I learned quite a bit from my audience...  more than I originally expected.

I presented a workshop I designed and facilitated last November for an internship I was doing at the Civic Media Center.  The workshop, Feminism in Media, focused on popular forms of media and the importance of having a feminist voice included/present.  Since magazines, zines, phamphlets, and now blogs are some of the most popular and accessible outlets for generating dialogues around feminist issues and concerns, I felt it was important to explore and discuss what such a presence looks like.  The goals of the workshop included, but were not limited to: creating a working definition of feminist media, providing/exploring historical background on where it has been, and sought to present examples of feminist publications, blogs, and zines.

The last time I facilitated the workshop people had 1) heard of all or most of the publications I discussed, 2) majority were familiar generally familiar with feminism and or self-defined feminists, and 3) were willing to engage in a dialogue/debate.  I had brought in 30-40 copies of issues of bitch, BUST, off our backs, Venus, Adbusters, The Nation, Harpers, Mother Jones, and GOOD.  I had laid the items out all over the front table and encouraged people to come up and check them out.  People were hesitant at first, but either out of boredom or curiosity, eventually came up and took a look.  I spent the 10 minutes (which felt like hours) of the workshop pulling teeth to get people to talk.  I have a newfound respect and admiration for instructors and teachers who constantly speak to a room full of seemingly uninterested people who may or may not be staring blankly at you.  Highly nerve racking and frustrating experience.  But we soon found some common ground and people warmed up to the idea of talking.  Probably after I told them, "You know, this is going to suck if you all don't want to talk.  This is an informal chat, so there's no need to feel uncomfortable.  I'm not giving you a grade or anything and I'm no expert on this.  I'm just another student with a fascination and passion for sharing.  Honestly we'd be sitting in a circle if the chairs weren't connected, and I'd be in jeans and a t-shirt if they'd had let me."  That made them smile a bit and broke down the whole expert/passive information sponge dichotomy.  

Since the audience was more "mainstream" than my previous (the Civic Media Center is an alternative reading room and library for non-corporate press thus generally attracting the "alternative/hippie" crowd) I had intended on tying in bigger name publications such as Cosmo and Glamor and comparing them to bitch, BUST, and Venus.  But since the group had never heard about the majority of the above titles, we ended up discussing if Cosmo could be considered feminist in any capacity.  Which, was very interesting.  

We then discussed blogs and internet outlets.  Particularly a social networking site utilized by the Greek (not as in Greece, but as in Sorority/Fraternity) community at UF called JuicyCampus.  I had never heard of the site and immediately felt old and out of touch.  Apparently the site was something like twitter (or something of that nature) where you could post comments about Greek life and specific people.  The site was recently shut down because it was slanderous and downright horrible (people were discussing top 5 people to sleep with and who gave the best blow jobs).  While I'd never read or seen any of this, I jumped at the chance to discuss the whore/madonna labels and question why there wasn't more solidarity between sororities.  We started discussing how if members of sororities stopped tolerating the sort of treatment/stereotypes/behavior from their so called brothers, the brothers would be forced to change their ways... or at least question it.  If you don't accept being called a whore or slut, the term looses its power and sting.  The same reaction isn't presented, and the motivation behind someone calling another that is lost.  It was as if a hundred light-bulbs turned on at one time.  While not ever imagined to be an intended goal, I felt the talk was very productive.  We then discussed things like heteronormativity, body image, etc  and the role glamor magazines, media, and advertising in creating/reinforcing these constructions.

By the end of my 50 minutes, I felt we had all learned something... or at least entertained me to the fact that we had.  I also had 3 people come up and tell me how much they enjoyed the workshop and where could they find the publications I'd talked about?  Another informed me they were excited to explore the hand out and list of websites I'd provided.  

Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better response.  For such a rocky start, I'd say it was an overall success.  I'd might even venture to guess Oscar nominee... just kidding.  It also happened to be the self-esteem booster I'd been needing for some time.  I'd been feeling pretty crappy about my abilities to do anything right lately.  And a group of complete strangers did what my friends and family have been trying to do for years: assure me that I was good at something and what I had to say was valid.

journal entry: june 24, 2008

The last two days have been mentally and emotionally intense.  I've had quite a wide range of feelings from elated/excited to infuriated and full of rage.  The infuriation has come mostly due to the attitudes of some of my fellow travelers.  This wasn't completely unexpected.  3.5 weeks with the same people 24/7... I anticipated this sort of thing.  Yet, for whatever reason, I never expected the lack of respect and selfishness that has been rampant these past few days.  I'm also highly irritated with some people's use and view of the farm.  Few are actually utilizing the knowledge and resources available to us for our intellectual benefit.  I feel like some are using it as a hotel and I feel treating the staff as slightly glorified servants.  No one is suppose to clean up after us we are suppose to do it, but alas not the case.

My main concern is that we're ruining the relationship(s) that we've worked so hard to cultivate due to our recent crappy behavior.  I'd like to think that I could work with the organization again in the future, but am paranoid that other people might mess that up for me.  Leaving me to pay the consequences of others' actions.  I don't want to pay for others' ignorance.  Hence why I typically hate group projects.  I can't stand incompetence and lack of effort.  I hate laziness and half-ass efforts.  Damnit if it's your turn to sweep, sweep like it's going out of style!

End Rant.

We've been reading and discussing Raja Yoga the past few classes (and we're suppose to continue doing so for the next several) and I'm having a very difficult time grasping the concept of Prana.  I'm having trouble thinking that there are other levels of being.  Perhaps not levels isn't a very good descriptor, but frequencies on which other beings exist... or other states of being.  I'm having trouble comprehending how that could be possible... let alone believing it.  I know the point isn't to take or leave this stuff, but to understand and analyze... but I can't even really do that.  There's this leap of faith necessary to comprehend all aspects of this, and I can't seem to do it even temporarily.  I don't disbelieve that it could be possible, but am having a difficult time visualizing it.  How can I believe something that I don't truly understand?  In terms of religion and spirituality, I feel this has always been my short coming.  What if everything Vivekananda is saying about vibrations and frequencies is just a halucination?  A social construction used to explain the unexplainable.  I don't want to simply dismiss it, but at the same time I'm puzzled and highly skeptical (per usual).  Perhaps I'm not there, perhaps I'll never be there.  There being the point of understanding and comprehension needed to make an informed decision one way or the other.  I feel like trying harder and forcing any sort of grasp would be pointless... my mind is so stubborn.  It makes me irritated and anxious; stress I don't want and very unnecessary.  Maybe things will be clearer tomorrow... maybe not.  Perhaps sleep is all I can do.

journal entry: june 22, 2008

Today was pretty amazing.  We started yoga with the new instructor from Rishikesh.  While he was no Bidyut, he did offer adequate yoga instruction.  Not awful, but honestly, so far, not spectacular or unique.  The routine was standard, basic but not as much flow as our previous practice. 

While I felt amazing after stretching and getting my lazy butt moving, I didn't have the same mental clarity I'd previously had after instruction with Bidyut.  I'm definitely going to order one of his DVDs when I get back to the states.  

The tailor came today to fit us for our traditional, handmade Indian garb.  I picked something I could use as a kurta here and perhaps a dress at home.  I got the cloth in Derha Dun at the home spun fabric depot in the market.  I'm quite tickled with it actually and I feel as though I've made a well informed consumer purchase.

After the tailor measuring etc, we, by we I mean the women of the group, got henna done on our hands or feet.  Interesting experience to say the least.  I'd never done it before, which is odd seeing as I'd been to many a festival back at home.  It smelled great, and looks pretty awesome, but I can't help but thinking I've got something on my hand and I need to get it off.  I enjoyed chatting with the crew, but wished I knew Hindi so I could talk to the women doing the hennas.  Communication is so difficult and frustrating.  I wish I was better with languages and could pick them up like I do bad habits.  I would like to feel less like an intruder, even if still an outsider.  Overall, I'd say I'm doing a fairly good job at not acting like a "dip-shit" traveler.  Occasionally I stumble, since after all I am American and thus slightly arrogant.  I suppose the most important part is that I'm aware of the fact and making honest efforts to remedy any errors.

Later we had a brief meeting and discussed possible paper topics.  I had a moment of clarity and stated thinking about doing one large paper (as opposed to two separate; one for each course) around the politics and activism of water in India.  Taking a look at the personal and religious transformative properties while focusing/engaging the societal and gender dimensions of the privatization of water.

feminist spotlight: vandana shiva

If you've spent any time at all talking to me, or reading this blog, you have heard or suspected my admiration for physicist and environmental/women's activist Vandana Shiva.  This past summer I had the honor of hearing Shiva speak and meeting her on the farm of the organization she organized, Navdanya (see post).  Find out more about Navdanya by clicking on the link to your left, under favorite links.  

Ah yes, herein lies one of the primary reasons for my journey to India!  

I first learned of Shiva's work in my ecofeminism course in fall of 2006.  I learned about her involvement in the movement and was left with a nagging curiosity about what she was currently up to.  It also helped that she was a scientist by training, and an activist by nature... something I definitely could identify with and deeply admire.  

Vandana Shiva started the organization Navdanya in response to growing concern over international corporate pirating of India’s cultural knowledge and threats to biodiversity.  Located at the base of the Himalayan foothills in Dehradun India (where I spent summer 2008), Navdanya seeks to promote peace, harmony, justice and sustainability through conservation, renewal and rejuvenation of biodiversity, traditional knowledge, and cultural heritage.  Through their dedication to preservation of seed, food, and water sovereignty as common resources, Navdanya is committed to resisting seed patents promoted by the agreement on Trade-Related Aspects of Intellectual Property Rights (TRIPS) of the World Trade Organization (WTO).  Through rejection of non-sustainable agricultural techniques such as genetically modified organisms (GMOs) and chemically based farming systems, Navdanya creates a living democracy based on an economy of compassion and cooperation rather than profit and exploitation.  

Her first book, Staying Alive, was one of the first of its kind to make the claims and connections between the oppression of women and the oppression/exploitation of nature and natural resources.  Shiva has devoted her life to defending common resources for public good and been facilitator/participant in many of India's grassroots environmental movements.  Most notably the Chipko movment, which is often cited as the model for ecofeminist action/protest.

I could go on for years about my love for this incredible woman and her work, but I'll allow you to explore and look further into things on your own.  Might I recommend, that if you decide to read any of her work (which, warning, it can be a bit dry at times when she's being technical) I suggest you begin with Earth Democracy, which outlines her philosophy and views behind her activism and tireless efforts.  I'd then move on to Ecofeminism, which Shiva wrote with Maria Mies, followed by Stolen Harvest.  While I've also read her book on water, Water Wars, I find other scholars better at introducing and confronting the topic and data.  Shiva's book is interesting and useful, but not nearly as revolutionary and thought provoking as some of her pieces.

Ok I'm done gushing now... unless further provoked (feel free to do so)!

feminist spotlight: wangari maathai

Wangari Maathai also worked extensively for environmental protection and restoration in the face of many obstacles.  Maathai is an environmental and political activist, Nobel Peace Prize winner (2004), and founder of the Green Belt Movement, an international NGO focused on planting trees to prevent soil erosion and provide resources for villages (Maathai, 2006).  Maathai is an intellectual turned activist, who found a way of applying her knowledge and skills for overall well being of both the planet and Kenyan people.  

In the words of Nelson Mandela, “Wangari Maathai and the Green Belt Movement demonstrate the intimate connection between sustainable management of Africa’s rich natural resources, democracy, good governance and peace. (Maathai, 2006)”  I admire Maathai’s dedication, determination, and ability to seem to overcome all odds.  I also find her work of cultivating peace through natural and ecologically sound techniques refreshing and a good example for the global community trying to find more sustainable solutions to development issues.  While I don’t always agree with her statements, such as her controversial critique of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, I do admire her ability to encourage critical thinking and constant questioning of the status quo.

Not to mention the woman has an incredible sense of style and eye for bold loud prints which highlight her beauty and embrace her culture.  While I would probably never wear such prints and patterns, I admire and am continually awed by how stunning Maathai is in a very conventional way.

At the recommendation of Hanners, I'm anxiously awaiting when I have time to read Maathai's memoir, Unbowed.

feminist spotlight: rachel carson

While writing a paper for my Women's Studies seminar, I was forced (oh darn) to do some additional research on people who have influenced my thinking and development as a feminist and environmental activist.  As I was surfing Wikipedia for direction and links to sources/articles, I thought about how awesome it would be to highlight my role models on this blog.  I've decided to call this little series 'feminist spotlight' because I consider the work these people did to be feminist, even if they didn't necessarily label themselves as such.  

With that, my first will be one of the people who influenced me long before I outwardly embraced the label and term feminist: Rachel Carson

Rachel Carson (1907-1964) was a marine biologists and activist whose most notable work is Silent Spring which exposed the detrimental environmental and health effects of pesticides and the chemical industry.  Her work sparked the mobilization of reform and environmental protection by the federal and local governments.  

I respect and admire Carson for many reasons aside from her devotion to environmental protection, but mainly as a fellow naturalist/scholar/biologist and for her ability to succeed despite her marginalization from scientific institutions.  This status came not only because she was a woman, but also because of biology's low popularity during the nuclear age.  Her career path was non-traditional.  With no academic or institutional affiliation, she wrote for the public rather than the elitist scientific community.  This became very important since this independence left the scientific community in a position where they could no dismiss or silence her.

While I find Silent Spring laden with some difficult scientific theories and concepts, the ultimate message was (and in many ways still is) revolutionary and beautiful.  Her warnings are quite haunting as they have come to materialize in many ways.  Much of what she talks about are some of the causes of problems we are forced to deal with now as we confront the issues of global warming, genetically modified organisms (GMOs), and pollution/destruction of the world's water sources.   DDT (a "chlorinated hydrocarbon", which is also a term you can apply the artificial sweetener, Splenda... think about that one), which was one of the chemicals Carson deeply discussed, continues to be an issue in developing nations although its carcinogenic effects are now widely known and published.

Ironically enough, Carson died shortly after the publication of Silent Spring due to breast cancer.  Yet she died knowing that her work had made a difference and sparked generations of grassroots environmental activists.

sunday disturbances

My favorite coffee shop closed this past December on my last day of exams.  I've been missing it terribly ever since.  I had so many good memories at 2nd Street and felt so comfortable and at home there.  The coffee wasn't the greatest, but I got it for free often, and the quality of the baked goods rapidly declined towards the end; yet it was a place I called my own.  I'd meet good friends there on Sunday mornings.  I could sit outside under some beautiful longleaf pines.  I miss it.

Recently I've been trying out a new location, Volta.  I'm still rather conflicted on it for many reasons:

1.  Coffee is expensive, and I'm not close enough to any of the employees to get it for my "special" price.

2.  It's downtown, and very urban.  There is outdoor seating, but on the sidewalk directly next to a street.  There are clubs/bars surrounding it and they are often loudly doing things during the day.  There are also often beer trucks outside, which are noisy and make me want a beer.

3. Its very trendy-chic and not quite my style.  2nd Street was quirky and very much my eclectic, soft, natural taste.  Volta is very modern, industrial.  Hard, clean lines.  Black, white and stained wood.  They also recently put large colorful sticker things on the tables which I'm not sure if I like.  The stickers are very LA art.  Interesting and lovely in their own right, but really not my thing.  Loud and abrupt.  

However I do very much admire and love the photography they have up right now.  Go figure, it's of India and makes me feel home-sick for a time when I didn't see myself in a mirror, worry about what I looked like, was dirty and happy, and walked about the fields with mud between my toes.  I can't recall the last time I was legitimately dirty, as in covered in dirt and grime, but I'm wanting some it right about now.

4.  I also don't feel like I fit in here.  I'm not in with this hip, cool crowd.  I mean I don't think I was really "in" with the 2nd Street crowd, but I feel like I'm being judged and evaluated every time I go in Volta.  However, the owner is nice, even if I do find hims slightly pompous.  

These above things will not change the fact that I will continue to frequent the establishment.  There really is nowhere else I can go.  I try to avoid Starbucks for many reasons, but have been going more frequently because I have a lot of gift cards.  I don't like Maude's, which is also downtown.  It smells bad, is often loud, the food/coffee is terrible, and the staff is VERY unfriendly.  Perhaps a rule for working there.  The Waldo coffee is shop is much more my style, but alas is in Waldo and is quite a gas commitment I'm usually not willing to make.

I know it may seem silly for me to complain about a lack of place to go for coffee but, I spend a TON of time in coffee shops working/studying.  I don't like going to the library anymore because it's always too loud (weird huh) and full of people that generally suck and enrage me.  I don't enjoy going to the shops near/on campus because I run into too many people that I find distracting.  I run into people at Volta, but we usually have the same goals if we're there; get shit done.

I didn't think I could be this loyal to any business but I suppose I was/am when I feel happy at the place.  It is my escape from myself.  Somewhere I can go and recharge and relax while working.

Maybe something else will fill my void and vacuum.  Until then, I'll sit on the hard chairs and feel too lame (not to mention poor) to drink $5.00 hot chocolate/americanos.