Saturday, June 12, 2010

return to the wheel

I sat at my wheel for the first time in about a month. It took me a little while to get back into the groove. A few swear words. A few sighs. But once I got going, my mind when blissfully blank. I think I might have been relaxing. I'm not 100% sure, but something inside me says that's what was going on. This relaxing thing is usually prevented in some way by constant picking by my overactive brain. By all this 'thinking' I seem to do. Instead of knowing and accepting, I over work and over think the simplest items.

Not tonight. Tonight, I simply focused on the fluff sliding through my hands and magically twisting, turning and organizing. The fluff compressed into a neat and tidy line. Transformed into a more manageable and logical form. Order. It is put in order. Of course this appeals to every part of me. I like order. I like things to be in their proper place and logically categorized. It isn't terribly surprising that I find such a process soothing. I found it all rather fitting. Spinning seems to be a lot like how I process thoughts, emotions, and information.

It starts out as a loose cloud. Then a few strands are funneled though my sensory organs; twisted, turned, packed, organized and arranged. Twinned and interconnected with one another. Simultaneously guided and pulled into a neatly packaged line. The line is then taken and stored in the proper place for later categorization and classification. Maybe is immediately put to use, or maybe its set aside for later. Either way, it is placed in its unique and specific location. This process isn't without snafus. Every so often a few of these bits drift off and stick to some sort of nagging question in my unyielding mind. This nagging causes the entire production line to back up into a tangle of whatever. The production must come to a halt. Order must be reestablished and all the strands must get back in line. Sometimes, as is often the case with thoughts or information, this can take longer than expected.

Maybe this all makes sense. Maybe it doesn't. Perhaps its a jumble of incoherent jabber. Yet, all that seems to matter is the clarity I have right now. For this moment, everything appears crystal clear and simple. For this moment, I'll break out of my normal pattern to accept the clarity. Accept and sit with the simplicity of the scary place that is usually my mind.

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