Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Saturday, June 12, 2010

return to the wheel

I sat at my wheel for the first time in about a month. It took me a little while to get back into the groove. A few swear words. A few sighs. But once I got going, my mind when blissfully blank. I think I might have been relaxing. I'm not 100% sure, but something inside me says that's what was going on. This relaxing thing is usually prevented in some way by constant picking by my overactive brain. By all this 'thinking' I seem to do. Instead of knowing and accepting, I over work and over think the simplest items.

Not tonight. Tonight, I simply focused on the fluff sliding through my hands and magically twisting, turning and organizing. The fluff compressed into a neat and tidy line. Transformed into a more manageable and logical form. Order. It is put in order. Of course this appeals to every part of me. I like order. I like things to be in their proper place and logically categorized. It isn't terribly surprising that I find such a process soothing. I found it all rather fitting. Spinning seems to be a lot like how I process thoughts, emotions, and information.

It starts out as a loose cloud. Then a few strands are funneled though my sensory organs; twisted, turned, packed, organized and arranged. Twinned and interconnected with one another. Simultaneously guided and pulled into a neatly packaged line. The line is then taken and stored in the proper place for later categorization and classification. Maybe is immediately put to use, or maybe its set aside for later. Either way, it is placed in its unique and specific location. This process isn't without snafus. Every so often a few of these bits drift off and stick to some sort of nagging question in my unyielding mind. This nagging causes the entire production line to back up into a tangle of whatever. The production must come to a halt. Order must be reestablished and all the strands must get back in line. Sometimes, as is often the case with thoughts or information, this can take longer than expected.

Maybe this all makes sense. Maybe it doesn't. Perhaps its a jumble of incoherent jabber. Yet, all that seems to matter is the clarity I have right now. For this moment, everything appears crystal clear and simple. For this moment, I'll break out of my normal pattern to accept the clarity. Accept and sit with the simplicity of the scary place that is usually my mind.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

enjoying the solitude

Yesterday, I spontaneously decided I was going to walk part of the Gainesville-Hawthorne trail. I parked at the trail head, walked the mile or so to La Chua Sink and then walked out to the over look on Payne's Prairie. Along the way, I inspected the various blooming plants and quizzed myself on their names. I appear to be a tad rusty.











Not too much to report. I went alone and did some thinking. My mind seems like a messy place these days and I was in need of some serious self reflection. I feel a bit more at peace with myself. At least for the time being...

Monday, January 18, 2010

happy mlk day

I know I've done this before, but I truly feel strongly about celebrating this speech and the things Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. did for our country. While the fight he started is far from complete, we're so much closer to 'ending the long nights' of oppression, discrimination, prejudice and hate.

Today isn't just about a much needed day off in mid January. Or about the individual man it celebrates and honors. It's about something bigger. It's about an idea. A hope. It's about working towards a dream.


Take a moment or two to remember that dream and renew our hope and resolve to make the dream a reality.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

what did i come down here for?

The new year has snuck in and made itself quite at home. Since the close of 2009, I've been in a odd place as far as wanting to write about my adventures and thoughts. Most of the time, I feel that the deepest and most profound things I have to say are lost in the storm cloud of my mind. Floating about. Morphing. Meshing.

My emotions complicate these thoughts even more. Adding a coarse additional layer to ponder and mull over. Instead of fully processing these blobs, I've been piling them up. I'll externally be upset for a day or two. Feel uncomfortable. Cry. Release... but not only partly. I keep a piece and stash it away to revisit later. Eventually causing the clutter and piles of half finished thoughts, ideas, projects and feelings which currently overwhelm and consume me.

This morning I took a deep breath and resolved to clear the clutter. The next hardest thing... where do I start?

Going to take another deep breath and start from the top. Work my way down. Slowly pick away at the layers. Perhaps there's buried treasure somewhere beneath the muck.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

teaching tolerance

I should probably explain something, I was never trained as a teacher. I never took any education classes while in school and generally avoided kids under 14 unless absolutely necessary. I have no idea what drove me to apply for the job I currently have... most likely desperation and encouragement from a few friends already at Peaceful Paths. As unlikely as my role as facilitator/educator may have seemed, I'm generally enjoying it. Yes, I complain about the kids, they can be quite cruel at times, but I must say that this is one of the most rewarding things I've ever done.

Unfortunately, shortly after I started my job, my boss left. She is an amazing person and continues to be a wonderful mentor and friend, but her departure nonetheless left me flying solo in a new job. I struggled to figure out how to do the sessions and how to go about utilizing the curricula we had laying around for me to consult. I somehow managed to run my 5 groups without too much feeling that I was screwing up the kids. It was fun, most of the time, but very overwhelming.

One of the resources that I've come to love is
Teaching Tolerance. The site contains entries/submissions from educators across the country as well as articles from the experts (get this... the experts are actual teachers, school principles, guidance counselors, etc) on how to integrate civil rights and liberties topics into curricula. It also has a strong emphasis on teaching social change and helping students develop the skills to engage in community action, conscious media consumption, and critical analysis of current events. I'm loving the ideas and reading about the ways that educators are subverting the system and integrating some wonderful messages and topics to our youth.

Things have eased up a bit in the past week or so. All but one of my groups has wrapped up, at least until Jan. And in that group we're doing an activity called
Progressive City Planners to further explore different forms of oppression, discrimination, and societal violence. Check the activity out. I'm excited about the discussion we're going to be having. This particular group middle schoolers is very smart, they never cease to blow my mind. Even has they manage to get under my skin and drive me nuts.

Monday, December 7, 2009

the interns

I'm starting the interview process for the program's Spring interns this week. I must say, I'm slightly nervous and uncomfortable about it. I've been told I'm being slightly ridiculous since I'm doing 6 interviews. I just want to give them all the benefit of the doubt and ensure that I'm not overlooking anything about these candidates. The scars of job hunting and rejection are still a bit fresh. I don't know how I'm going to negotiate those feelings and my desire to take the best 3 candidates. I'd take them all, but I simply cannot manage 6 interns. Plus, as an agency, we traditionally only take up to three for each department.

My philosophy with the interns is that they should create more work for me, in the sense that I don't want them to do bullshit tasks... but actually get some hands on learning. They are not slaves. They're the next wave of our activists, advocates and educators. (Can you tell I had an awful internship once upon a time?) My goal is that by May, they'll be able to cofacilitate groups...or even fly solo. If only I could take all of them... UGH!

First World Problem? Possibly...

Monday, September 21, 2009

Thursday, August 6, 2009

what i want my words to do to you

This is the title of a documentary that aired on PBS in 2003.  We watched it in my class on Incarcerated Women last month.  I think it provides a brief look at what I've been studying for the past six weeks.  It's very moving and powerful.  The poem at the end, read by Judith Clark, sends chills down my spine and makes me reexamine what I consider to be a crime worthy of a life sentence and what I think justice should look like.


Sunday, August 2, 2009

what you make of it

The seas are quiet.  She looks out to the horizon and sees a dot.  Dark, mysterious, ominous.  But she's not frightened, more curious.  She is well acquainted with the unpredictable ways of the sea.

What is it?

The dot slowly approaches.  Its blurry edges come into focus.  

Its change; manifested as a sea monster.
Will she befriend it?  Tame it?  Quietly strike a truce?

Is it really a monster as the legends say?  Or is it just misunderstood much like the pirate herself?

Only one way to find out.  

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

specimens

Southern green stink bug
(Acrosternum hilare)


Ok so I've been on a bit of a bug kick lately.  I can't help it though, they're literally everywhere.  Oh Florida in the summer time!  Today I came home from class and found this dude in my shirt.  Jerk didn't even offer to buy me a drink!  So I lured it into a plastic container... and put it in the freezer.  I have no idea if I was sprayed, or stung, or whatever but while I was getting it out of my shirt my hand was burning.  Hence why this visitor went into the freezer.  I feel slightly bad about freezing its tiny ass, but not enough to truly regret it.   Now I have something new to play with/look at... and give to a friend... they know who they are.  I would post my own pictures, but my camera won't capture images that tiny.  So we must make due with these I found on the internets.



I really like this diagram.  The shape of the abdomen is oddly pleasing.  I have a sudden urge to draw them and put in the specifics of my specimen.  I also enjoy the word specimen.  Specimen... it makes me feel closer to Charlie D.  Yeah that's what I call Charles Darwin.

Specimen, specimen, specimen...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

heavier things

Saturday night.  I'm sitting in the 24 hour copy store/coffee shop studying.  My mind keeps drifting.  I'm so overwhelmed most of the time.  I don't know how I'm managing to keep it together.  I have hardly any time to spend with friends and the last several conversations with my parents have been curt and short.  Very down to business.  Only official matters and pressing things are taken care of.

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Last week I received an email about going to Boston for an interview.  I replied with questions about if I would be compensated for the travel, etc.  No response.  I haven't had time to actually call during business hours.  I keep thinking in the far reaches of my brain that I've ruined any chance I've had by asking such questions.  No matter how logical and completely expected the questions were.  I can't help but wonder...

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I started packing up some of my books and cold weather clothes and will  slowly be taking them to my parents place when I can.  I don't know what else to do.  I'm trying not to think about it, but as I approach graduation I feel I need to be getting ready... for something.  Only I have no idea what for.  Packing makes me feel as if  I've made progress.  If only towards moving out of my current apartment.

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What's around the bend?  I've never really had a concrete idea or picture of what life would be like after college.  I honestly never could truly envision myself finishing.  Now what?  What do you do when you reach the end of any foreseeable path?  What if you can't see the next part of the trail?  Am I not looking hard enough?

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I whipped out my tools and fixed the door knob/hinges to my bedroom and closet doors today.  I also worked on the toilet... again.  I felt better.  I felt like I'd done something right.  Perhaps I should just become a handiwoman.  Even if this is the 100th time I've messed with the toilet in the past year.  Maybe I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'll be damned if we put a work order in.  It's not leaking, just needs some help every now and then.  I then walked around trying to find some reason to use my power drill.  What I should really do is patch the holes I covered with a tapestry  from the last time I just drilled for the sake of drilling.  Drill, baby, drill.  Sarah Palin would be so proud.

Back to work.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

alfred ring park

I apologize that the pictures from this trip are not nearly as spectacular as the previous trips, but I spent a better part of the time fighting with my camera.  We had some words.  We've slept apart for several days.  And I think we've made up.  I also reformatted it.  Bwhahaha.  I win.  When all else fails, play dirty.

I've also discovered that I'm becoming stranger rather quickly.  I talk to inanimate objects as if they were people, more often than I actually talk to other real, living, breathing humans.  I have rekindled my long term, passionate, relationship with ice cream.  It might be a bit more desperate than last time.  I'd rather eat a bowl of ice cream than interact with other humans.  I've been watching CSPAN.  On a Saturday night.  And drinking a glass of wine while watching the parakeets.  I  have developed voices for both Pinkie and the Brain.  The Brain didn't used to have a distinct voice.  But now she does.  And the two have conversations.  Aloud.  

All attempts to unleash the crazy slowly are failing.  It's coming in waves.  Much like the rain/monsoons.
 

Cercis canadensis (Souther Redbud)


Osmunda cinnamomea (Cinnamon fern)


Woodwardia areolata (Netted chain fern)


Hogtown Creek (Gainesville, FL)


Critter I was more interested in than the plant we found it on.  So cute and sleepy. 
Upon further investigation, thanks to some help from Erin and What's That Bug?, I've determined its Narcus sp. (sp. meaning species, or unknown variety).  I'm almost certain its in the same family/genus with the Great American Millipede.  All efforts to get it to roll into a ball failed.  Perhaps I'm part millipede.  That is my defense mechanism.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

change, change, change

A friend moved away today.  The first of many.  Well, not exactly the very first.  Several have moved away before and while it was sad, it was oddly different.  This is a mark of the beginning of a transitional period for me.  Part of me would like to remain stagnant in this space I've created here.  

Niche.  
Home.  
Role.
Comfort.  

Yet, even if I remain still, the rest of the world will not.  It will continue to morph and transform into something new every second of every day.  Whether I participate in that transformation or not.  Coming to terms with this newness is going to be difficult.  And I often question if I'm strong enough to take on this challenge.  I'll have to be.  There is always something to learn from every experience.  The good.  The bad.  The ugly.  The profoundly beautiful.

It's happening.  Embrace it.  Play with it.  Make it into your own.  Be excited about the new experiments and discoveries lying just around the bend.  New surprises and adventures.  Words of wisdom I'm having a difficult time swallowing.

Hello, new stage of life.
Hello, new chapter.
Hello, first careers.  Real jobs.  Salaries.
Hello, friends' weddings.
Hello, children.
Hello, next phase of the journey.

World, please be patient with me.  I'm just a little scared.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

fresh start

Maybe you noticed.  But perhaps you didn't.  I revamped the blog.  Something in me is itching for a fresh start in so many ways.  I figured since it was a new semester it was as good a time as any for a clean break, a new routine.  

Yoga. 
Class.
Construct dinner.
Drop spindle.
Gym.
Friend time.
Sleep.

Tomorrow I go on a field trip to River Styx.  No, I'm not venturing to hell, but to a creek South of Micanopy which connects Payne's Prairie to Orange Lake.  Pictures to follow.

Enjoy the brand spankin' new day.  And all it's glory.

Friday, May 1, 2009

motivation

Interesting choice of title since I completely lack motivation to actually do anything.  My 'To-Do' list is a mile long, but my planner currently lies empty.  Much like my mind.  I suppose I could send out some resumes today... and then maybe get out of bed.

Sometimes technology is lovely.  I can be 'productive' and lazy all without putting on pants.

Monday, April 27, 2009

tangental thoughts

I'm currently attempting to study for an exam.  Clearly.  Actually, I'm continually refreshing a page on my computer to see if I've passed my other exam I took Saturday morning... and honestly it's killing me.  They posted the exam answers, but of course my trusty computrex will not read the file.  Oh technology!  The anticipation is just too much, so I burst into tears earlier this morning.  Thankfully a friend curbed that with a heaping dose of creepy humor.  What the hell is google thinking with its latitude program!?  I don't want people to know where I am at all times.  It's unnecessary.  And makes it even more difficult to be sneaky, which I have enough problems with as is.  Unfortunately small size does not directly correlate with ninja like abilities... or so I've been informed.  This informant may just be full of shit though.  Probability is high.  

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Birdface's friend/cage mate/real mate Sweety has been laying eggs since early March (the pair have been living together for three years and never seemed to like each other until loudly mating during a dinner party of mine).  She laid her latest yesterday afternoon.  We're up to six.  I take them and dispose of them.  I did feel somewhat conflicted and terrible because I was essentially aborting their children, but the past several eggs have been cracked or damaged in some way so I don't have to feel too bad about removing them.  Sweety must be taking care of them herself.  I kind of want a good one though, so I can blow the goo out and have one of the shells.  They are quite beautiful.  Perfect tiny spheres of creamy... eggshell... white.  Like mentos colored.  Great candy, but I can't eat it anymore because all I can think of is parakeet eggs.  

Hanners informed me that everyone in my life got together and has plotted to be happily coupled to spite me.  According to her, birdface and sweety are in on this plot.  Ass holes.  Seriously.  Sometimes they cuddle in my presence which only enrages me more because I spend a good chunk of time trying to convince friends to cuddle and that it wouldn't be weird or anything.  Completely normal.  Everyone's doing it.

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The rents went to New Orleans for Jazz fest.  I'm so insanely jealous.  I WANT TO GO TO JAZZ FEST!  Mostly for free... which is how attending things with the rents works.  You know, since they have the job things that I don't have.  Speaking of which.  I've applied for 30... and only heard back from one.  It was a rejection... but at least I heard something.  I didn't really want to teach small children about the environment.  Stupid children and their stupid tiny hands.

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Upside to life:  I have a Sweetgum (Liquidambar styraciflua) sapling.  I acquired it by walking through an Earth Day festival on Wednesday.  It's currently sitting on a table in my living room, being awkwardly tall... about 2 feet and adorable.  It's in a little pot but will soon be in a bucket so I can take it to my next place of residence.  The people at this current location have proven they suck and are not qualified to have such a beautiful parting gift from me.  At our old apartment at La Cucaracha, Greenie, well she's now Heckatron, planted a banana tree outside our door.  My roommate's little brother lives in our old place now and said it'd gotten about 2 feet tall... and then the grounds crew chopped it down.  I hope the place is bulldozed soon.  I should do something obnoxious to the landlord again.  Like when he complained to us that for some reason wild birds pooped on the sidewalk outside our place, I hung pine cones covered in peanut butter and birdseed outside our door to encourage the continuation of such behavior.  Needless to say, Ray and I didn't get along.  

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I'm going to clean the fridge.  Something smells terrible in it... per usual.

Friday, April 24, 2009

home life

lists:

books
movies
music
art
craft
decor
food
nature
gardens


is there more to life?

Monday, April 20, 2009

npr

Saturday morning I was listening to NPR on the walk to retrieve my car from downtown and there was a segment on about natives of Kodiak Alaska and their lack of knowledge/record of their own heritage. The journalists went on to explain how there was a private collection of the tribes’ masks in France and the owner was loaning (not returning) the collection to the people to learn from and put on display in a local museum. This was seen as a wonderful thing and a great miracle that the artifacts were preserved. 

I started thinking: How did these masks end up as a collector’s item rather than part of the local knowledge? Should the French collector be morally obligated to return the masks to their rightful holders? Who exactly should own these pieces? Should they be part of the local commons, owned by the people? Because of globalization and the homogenization of place and people, are things being lost and appropriated to ‘lovely’ home furnishings? What exactly is the ‘right’ thing to do here?

I also had issue with how NPR presented this. Essentially they were saying, that thanks to the French collector, these artifacts were saved and not lost or damaged or buried in some ditch by the native peoples. Sending the message, at least to me, that clearly these people were incapable of preserving their own traditions. Only the white Western elite could do such preservation. 

Then I started analyzing my own apartment and décor. Did I own anything that was culturally appropriated from a community or identity that I do not belong to? What about all the things I brought back from India? I tried to only buy things that were handicrafts and made specifically for consumption purposes… but what sort of message was I sending wearing or displaying such items back in the US? Were these things signifiers of wealth and ability (Look at me I went to India…)? How should I feel about this, I mean clearly my consumption in India in 2008 is vastly different than 18th century Native American masks… but still related.


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Back to work... I wish I could incorporate the above thoughts and ideas into my final project, but alas, I feel its too late in the game.  Also, so many types of things I'm being forced to include.  So much of this writing process feels so unnatural and awkward it is probably one of the reasons I'm so miserable with it.  I'm just disappointed that something I was looking forward to doing/creating for a year and a half has been one of my largest dreads for the past few months.  Square pegs simply do not fit in round holes without a lot of sanding and shaving.  Perfect metaphor for this paper.  I've sanded it down to where I barely recognize it as my own creation.  Rather it was something that was custom ordered, returned several times and continually rejected.  I hate it.  It doesn't make any sense outside the context of my instructor's class, nor is it an accurate reflection of my academic interests.  Great job Women's Studies.  Way to suck out my soul.

All will be done, for better, for worse, in two days.  Maybe I'll feel somewhat human again.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

out of the ordinary

This past Sunday I was invited to facilitate a workshop at the University of Florida's Annual Women's Leadership Conference.  I've facilitated workshops there in the past, usually with LBG(TQ) as my partner in crime.  This year however, it was just me.  Flying solo was odd, but interesting and somewhat empowering knowing I could do it on my own.  And I learned quite a bit from my audience...  more than I originally expected.

I presented a workshop I designed and facilitated last November for an internship I was doing at the Civic Media Center.  The workshop, Feminism in Media, focused on popular forms of media and the importance of having a feminist voice included/present.  Since magazines, zines, phamphlets, and now blogs are some of the most popular and accessible outlets for generating dialogues around feminist issues and concerns, I felt it was important to explore and discuss what such a presence looks like.  The goals of the workshop included, but were not limited to: creating a working definition of feminist media, providing/exploring historical background on where it has been, and sought to present examples of feminist publications, blogs, and zines.

The last time I facilitated the workshop people had 1) heard of all or most of the publications I discussed, 2) majority were familiar generally familiar with feminism and or self-defined feminists, and 3) were willing to engage in a dialogue/debate.  I had brought in 30-40 copies of issues of bitch, BUST, off our backs, Venus, Adbusters, The Nation, Harpers, Mother Jones, and GOOD.  I had laid the items out all over the front table and encouraged people to come up and check them out.  People were hesitant at first, but either out of boredom or curiosity, eventually came up and took a look.  I spent the 10 minutes (which felt like hours) of the workshop pulling teeth to get people to talk.  I have a newfound respect and admiration for instructors and teachers who constantly speak to a room full of seemingly uninterested people who may or may not be staring blankly at you.  Highly nerve racking and frustrating experience.  But we soon found some common ground and people warmed up to the idea of talking.  Probably after I told them, "You know, this is going to suck if you all don't want to talk.  This is an informal chat, so there's no need to feel uncomfortable.  I'm not giving you a grade or anything and I'm no expert on this.  I'm just another student with a fascination and passion for sharing.  Honestly we'd be sitting in a circle if the chairs weren't connected, and I'd be in jeans and a t-shirt if they'd had let me."  That made them smile a bit and broke down the whole expert/passive information sponge dichotomy.  

Since the audience was more "mainstream" than my previous (the Civic Media Center is an alternative reading room and library for non-corporate press thus generally attracting the "alternative/hippie" crowd) I had intended on tying in bigger name publications such as Cosmo and Glamor and comparing them to bitch, BUST, and Venus.  But since the group had never heard about the majority of the above titles, we ended up discussing if Cosmo could be considered feminist in any capacity.  Which, was very interesting.  

We then discussed blogs and internet outlets.  Particularly a social networking site utilized by the Greek (not as in Greece, but as in Sorority/Fraternity) community at UF called JuicyCampus.  I had never heard of the site and immediately felt old and out of touch.  Apparently the site was something like twitter (or something of that nature) where you could post comments about Greek life and specific people.  The site was recently shut down because it was slanderous and downright horrible (people were discussing top 5 people to sleep with and who gave the best blow jobs).  While I'd never read or seen any of this, I jumped at the chance to discuss the whore/madonna labels and question why there wasn't more solidarity between sororities.  We started discussing how if members of sororities stopped tolerating the sort of treatment/stereotypes/behavior from their so called brothers, the brothers would be forced to change their ways... or at least question it.  If you don't accept being called a whore or slut, the term looses its power and sting.  The same reaction isn't presented, and the motivation behind someone calling another that is lost.  It was as if a hundred light-bulbs turned on at one time.  While not ever imagined to be an intended goal, I felt the talk was very productive.  We then discussed things like heteronormativity, body image, etc  and the role glamor magazines, media, and advertising in creating/reinforcing these constructions.

By the end of my 50 minutes, I felt we had all learned something... or at least entertained me to the fact that we had.  I also had 3 people come up and tell me how much they enjoyed the workshop and where could they find the publications I'd talked about?  Another informed me they were excited to explore the hand out and list of websites I'd provided.  

Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better response.  For such a rocky start, I'd say it was an overall success.  I'd might even venture to guess Oscar nominee... just kidding.  It also happened to be the self-esteem booster I'd been needing for some time.  I'd been feeling pretty crappy about my abilities to do anything right lately.  And a group of complete strangers did what my friends and family have been trying to do for years: assure me that I was good at something and what I had to say was valid.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

sunday disturbances

My favorite coffee shop closed this past December on my last day of exams.  I've been missing it terribly ever since.  I had so many good memories at 2nd Street and felt so comfortable and at home there.  The coffee wasn't the greatest, but I got it for free often, and the quality of the baked goods rapidly declined towards the end; yet it was a place I called my own.  I'd meet good friends there on Sunday mornings.  I could sit outside under some beautiful longleaf pines.  I miss it.

Recently I've been trying out a new location, Volta.  I'm still rather conflicted on it for many reasons:

1.  Coffee is expensive, and I'm not close enough to any of the employees to get it for my "special" price.

2.  It's downtown, and very urban.  There is outdoor seating, but on the sidewalk directly next to a street.  There are clubs/bars surrounding it and they are often loudly doing things during the day.  There are also often beer trucks outside, which are noisy and make me want a beer.

3. Its very trendy-chic and not quite my style.  2nd Street was quirky and very much my eclectic, soft, natural taste.  Volta is very modern, industrial.  Hard, clean lines.  Black, white and stained wood.  They also recently put large colorful sticker things on the tables which I'm not sure if I like.  The stickers are very LA art.  Interesting and lovely in their own right, but really not my thing.  Loud and abrupt.  

However I do very much admire and love the photography they have up right now.  Go figure, it's of India and makes me feel home-sick for a time when I didn't see myself in a mirror, worry about what I looked like, was dirty and happy, and walked about the fields with mud between my toes.  I can't recall the last time I was legitimately dirty, as in covered in dirt and grime, but I'm wanting some it right about now.

4.  I also don't feel like I fit in here.  I'm not in with this hip, cool crowd.  I mean I don't think I was really "in" with the 2nd Street crowd, but I feel like I'm being judged and evaluated every time I go in Volta.  However, the owner is nice, even if I do find hims slightly pompous.  

These above things will not change the fact that I will continue to frequent the establishment.  There really is nowhere else I can go.  I try to avoid Starbucks for many reasons, but have been going more frequently because I have a lot of gift cards.  I don't like Maude's, which is also downtown.  It smells bad, is often loud, the food/coffee is terrible, and the staff is VERY unfriendly.  Perhaps a rule for working there.  The Waldo coffee is shop is much more my style, but alas is in Waldo and is quite a gas commitment I'm usually not willing to make.

I know it may seem silly for me to complain about a lack of place to go for coffee but, I spend a TON of time in coffee shops working/studying.  I don't like going to the library anymore because it's always too loud (weird huh) and full of people that generally suck and enrage me.  I don't enjoy going to the shops near/on campus because I run into too many people that I find distracting.  I run into people at Volta, but we usually have the same goals if we're there; get shit done.

I didn't think I could be this loyal to any business but I suppose I was/am when I feel happy at the place.  It is my escape from myself.  Somewhere I can go and recharge and relax while working.

Maybe something else will fill my void and vacuum.  Until then, I'll sit on the hard chairs and feel too lame (not to mention poor) to drink $5.00 hot chocolate/americanos.