Monday, August 4, 2008

journal entry: june 13, 2008

Yesterday I awoke and puked my brains out.  What am I pregnant?!*  Don't you have to have sex to get pregnant?  Spontaneous conception!  Perhaps I'm having a baby Jesus.  Honestly I prefer the baby version of Jesus.  Well if that was even the case I either threw Jesus up or shit him out.  My body had nothing left in it.  I crawled back into bed hoping the feeling would quickly pass, but alas, no such luck.

I started having horrible diarrhea and vomiting uncontrollably.  I tried my hardest to collect myself since we had a long bus ride ahead of us.  I slept briefly with my head in Mr. Michael's lap, but had to sit up because the bouncing made me queezy.  Ganesha threw up out the window.  I was comforted to know I wasn't the only one sick, but felt bad for him and kept my fingers crossed I wouldn't do the same thing.  When we reached Perla, I was feeling really low.  I wasn't the only one.  The bus had made most people sick.  At the guest house where we stopped for lunch I was able to lie down and sleep.  I didn't eat.  I didn't want to give my body more ammo.  I was a machine gun of projectile bodily fluids.  I felt slightly better until we got back on the bus.

Several hours later, I was at my wits end.  I was ready to give up.  I was over India.  I was over the bus.  I wanted to go home.  I wanted someone to tuck me into bed and bring me fluids that would stay in rather than come out.  I wanted to wrap myself around the porcelain god and sleep on the bathroom floor.  I sucked it up.  I almost cried, but Pavlos comforted me and let me sleep with my head in his lap as we descended the final hill from Mussoorie into Derha Dun.  Pavlos is such a wonderful and caring person.  

As we drove through Derha Dun I put my head out the window, not thinking, not seeing.  I was completely spent.  Apparently we were driving through a more wealthy suburban area.  A military center where the higher ups had beautiful, clean, spacious homes.  I was too out of it.  Every part of my body was in terrible pain, which made the small walk to the farm from the bus extremely difficult.  Upon reaching the hut, I took a cold bucket bath.  I sat on the ground because I didn't have enough strength to squat.  I realized I had a fever.  I crawled into bed and awaited death or something like it.  Kite and Goddess G brought me water and drugs of sorts.  I skipped dinner.  Pavlos brought me a magic mint drink.  

In the morning I felt much better and ventured down to get breakfast.  When I walked in I realized how close I had gotten with everyone.  My new family expressed deep concern and joy upon finding out I was doing better.  However I was banned from going to town.  Another week without email or calls... Kite said she'd get me a phone card.  She's so good to me.  The relationships we're building are beautiful and complex.  No matter how much we all irritate each other, there is such a profound love its difficult to describe.  It's a love that comes from trust and effort from all sides.  I don't know, or believe, study abroad experiences in Europe create these sorts of relationships.  We're all dealing with so much and in much more challenging ways.  I hope our relationships continue to grow.  Interesting how the previous day was probably the worst I'd had so far, and it was still wonderful because it made me realize how much everyone meant to me and what a (dis)functional family we'd really become.

*I wasn't/am not pregnant... just really sick.

1 comment:

Meredith said...

This is the second entry in which I bring you drugs. It's like I'm the anti-Pavlos. Seems like I still have some hang ups despite my quest for natural living!