Wednesday, May 28, 2008

lemmings

I leave in less than 48 hours.  I'm starting to freak out.  Hard core.  I don't feel ready.  Prep stuff has exploded onto every available surface.  My heart is racing.  Last night I started to get scared and had to stop hanging out with peeps because I was feeling strange and terrified.  I just wanted someone to hold me tight like the child I am.  I burrowed into my blankets instead.   I created a tiny cocoon in hopes of waking up as a brave butterfly.  Strong, beautiful wings to carry me over the ocean.  To the land of mystery.


Independent woman my ass.  I'm just one miniature crisis away from becoming a blubbering infant.  Blowing spit bubbles and shitting my pants.  Perhaps I'll just cry it out.  Or throw up.  I feel like this fear has become an amorphous blob in the pit of my stomach.  My fear has become physical, but India still seems abstract and surreal.

1 comment:

Erin said...

being brave is not the same as being unafraid. You are a strong woman. I repeat, You Are A STRONG WOMAN.
You are going to have an amazing adventure in India. An ultimate adventure in India. One of Many. I wish so much that I could join you.


p.s. There is no shame in asking to ride in the boy car if you are afraid and it will help make you feel safer. I'd most likely do it.
If it doesn't happen that way there are three of you women. Act as a team. Wear clothes that cover you, long sleeves and pants. Be assertive, insistent and cool. Listen to your deep instincts about the driver, and pay attention. You will be able to, probably on pure adrenaline and excitement alone. Confer with each other. Suck in the sights watch the people greet their families. Look, see and remember that most people in this world want to live in grace. They are human and usually good. And carry your knife on your body for additional safety. Do you need to borrow our traveler's wallet? We have ones for the waist and one for the calf.
Remember you are A Strong Woman even if you are nervous.